Thoughts on Gratitude and Thanksgiving

Thoughts on Gratitude and Thanksgiving

Today as the world spins around us and so many events and circumstances are out of our control. We need to remember what we have to appreciate. Gratitude feeds our sense of abundance.

Maybe we have special memories of Thanksgiving or favorite foods or moments of gratitude.

Memories of favorite foods bring me smiles. One strong memory I have as a child is Nanie Sheehan cutting the turkey in our kitchen each Thanksgiving. She would threaten anyone who came around with a stern look and point of the knife to stay away. Then, she would slip my brother and I a piece of warm turkey and even the crispy bacon if we asked. Delicious and warm, the turkey pre-dinner treat made us feel special.

Only today as an adult do I reflect to why my maternal grandmother cut the turkey on a holiday at her daughter’s house. She was of course, the matriarch. But where was my Dad? My Dad was working. We always waited for him to get home to eat. He literally would walk in through the back door and head right to the dining room to sit at the head of the table - Nanie claimed the opposite head seat.

Over the years, Thanksgiving was not so special to me because my Dad worked. Years later, my sisters were nurses and would be working, too. Later, my brother worked holidays. Dinner together meant starting early and eating slow so whoever was finishing up work would get to share the table. For me, the longer I sat at the table, the more I would eat. And that was not such a good thing. More was not better. Their shift work meant so many shifts that I did not enjoy the meal.

Then, I tried to change my focus. One November, I pulled out the family slides that we had not all seen in ages. I coordinated with my Mom for this post dinner activity: Reminiscing of all the good past times we were together. An activity beyond eating! I even asked my cousin whose family was joining us to grab some of their slides and bring them along to share.

At peace from squabbles or cleaning or all to separate rooms, we were together. The laughter and memories filled the darkened room. Though my brother had to miss the event that first year, the rest of us appreciated the moment. And a tradition was born.

Thanksgiving fills me with not only gratitude but fond memories and thoughts of kindness and sharing. The reality is we may not be able to join with those we love because of death or distance, but we have options to share our gratitude to them and our appreciation for the blessings in our life.

I am grateful to those I love who built those memories Join me in thankfulness. Or a new tradition.

Take the time for the Attitude of Gratitude:

1. List three things and people to whom you are grateful today.

1.

2.

3.

Why not do ten?

The first things that come to my mind are the person who taught me to tell time and my cousin who taught me how to tie my shoe! You may have in mind your first baseball coach, your favorite college professor, or first employer.

2. Be spontaneous and call or write one person who impacted your life. Let them know you are thinking of them.

3. Create a Thanksgiving tale:

Tell others of something you are thankful for in your life – where you live, your friends, or a recent vacation. Start a conversation around the Thanksgiving dinner table about what they appreciate. With all that food on the table, there will be plenty of time to share gratitude.

Have a Peaceful Thanksgiving!

A special thank you to all those who work to keep us safe – the First Responders, Firefighters, Police Officers, Military members and those that keep us healthy – Doctors, Nurses, and Medical Staff. In addition, thanks to all those who labor to keep our world working, even on a holiday.

,

Know Thyself As You Learn and Grow

,

Our world is changing and so must we. Your first step, and mine, is to forgive yourself for past missteps – financial and otherwise.

These are stressful times. From a powerful election season to natural disasters, no one and nowhere is immune. This is also a personally challenging time for me.

At the beginning of the month, I got the message to slow down. A broken foot will do that.

In order to grow as human beings, we need to understand our reactions and tendencies. And accept our shortcomings while attempting to improve them. Much like I know I can be short with friends, family and others when I am stressed out – I know I make financial errors when I am busy, overwhelmed and lacking rest.

When I am so preoccupied that I may react without a kind or human touch, I apologize to those I have offended. Because I have learned what tendencies I have, I do it less today than twenty years ago. And correct quicker. When it comes to the fleeting mismanagement of money, I am disrespecting the person I most love and value – myself. And this happens when I am stressed, overcommitted or grieving.

When my finances go haywire, even for a fleeting month or two, I equally need to forgive myself and ask for help. Whatever the reason, I need to pause to give myself attention before I give my finances attention. Acknowledge and accept what happened.

I want to share my process to see if it helps you:

First, I take the time to process the underlying hurt and pain, then I can attempt to get track.

Next, I clear the air by understanding what I could do differently.

Then, I correct the situation with some attention, planning, and paperwork.

Have you made past financial mistakes? Or perhaps made decisions you wish you had not? Welcome to the club. You got this. I got this. Financial missteps is not an uncommon situation. You can fix it by looking internally, then understanding what happened and then move ahead.

All it takes is one step, one day at a time to improve any situation. Most importantly, put parameters in place to prevent it from happening again. I no longer go willy nilly and have piles of piles of bills paper or digitally adding up. I have stop gaps whether credit card limits or cash restrictions – one reason I love cash.

For me, clearly the message is slow down. When I take the time to stay present, I am much more organized and detailed oriented. My financial plans chug along smoothly. When I am busy and overwhelmed, I am thinking of the future and leave a trail of disarray. That may result in unpaid bills, overspending or unnecessary debt, despite my knowing better. I am human. We all are.

I know myself. I know finances. And I know some extra time invested will get me pack on track, as it will with you. Just clear the self-judgement and forgive yourself so you will be ready for the next step.

Keep on learning and growing. When it comes to finances, knowing yourself is first in the line of money management.

Live as if you were to die tomorrow.
Learn as if you were to live forever.

- Mahatma Gandhi




Going Out Singing: Retiring

Olivia Mellan

Singing is a joy, a passion for Olivia Mellan. In college she loved being in plays and creating spoof songs. This coed came of age at a time of the Vietnam protests and women’s rights movement just as Ozzie and Harriet had wound down on television.  

The world of finance, was “A Man’s World.”  Facts and figures dominated. Investments and Wall Street were private affairs. Isolated from women and any discussions beyond the precise tangible numbers, there was no room for a conversation involving feelings.

Enter Olivia Mellan. She is the forbearer of a movement that tied together emotions and money.  She realized that no one had touched on money in the therapeutic process. And certainly financial professionals were not talking on the emotional level. There were some people whose only emotional reference around money was greed. 

She recognized that Money was the last taboo that therapists were talking about in their emotional exploration with clients. As a result, she instigated groundbreaking conversations in the field in Money Psychology. Money Psychology is the process of acknowledging your emotions interwoven with money in order to change behavior around finances to improve them. She felt that money needed to be part of the therapists’ conversation with their clients. 

After the success of an initial workshop, she realized she was on to something. More workshops followed as she incorporated the technique in her practice. Then, five successful books. 

She is a pioneer in tying two worlds together in a way that resonated for millions of her readers, listeners at her speeches and consulting clients. She is a professional through and through and built a career out of something new at a time before millennials and the internet. She knew from interactions with people, they were uncomfortable with money and needing a different approach.  

This was not on a planned career path, rather she has had a windy journey to this year. No one had heard of money psychology. Previous to 1982, the connection between emotions and money was not discussed or dissected. Olivia Mellan was in a PhD program for French and Linguistics and had not much interest in money.  

Yet this woman impacted me, other CFP’s and hundreds of thousands of readers of her books. I have recommended her work and books for years. Now I have had the privilege of knowing her for the past several years.  

Before Behavioral Economics became a subject in business schools, Olivia Mellan was there. How big a movement was she leading? She made it on Oprah before she had a book published. Need I say more?

Fast forward to 2018, Olivia Mellan is the groundbreaker of the connection of money psychology. She opened individuals and financial planners worldwide to the concept. She integrated two fields in a way that no other professional had.  

Now, she is retiring, leaving behind in her wake a new approach to money for the finance professionals, therapists and individuals around the world. The amazing thing is that she moved in a direction that felt right. Without a business plan or mentor to lead her, she studied, reflected and wrote on a topic that was ripe for research. Olivia was drawn to this because she recognized a space in the therapeutic process, which carried over into other areas of life.

What was that path that lead this theatre performer, creative singer and writer of spoof songs to move to the limelight of a new stage that brought with it bestselling books, Oprah appearance and presentations across the country? She credits two points in her life and two people’s support as the main motivators. And both were unplanned and unrelated to what her dreams and aspirations were.

As Olivia tells it, she had two defining moments in her career. The first as a doctoral student. Half way through her thesis writing, at a meeting with her thesis advisor, he suggested that she become a therapist.  She had finished all her course work. She had half her thesis done in French and linguistics.   

At age 27, she was willing to redirect herself and consider therapy as a career. That defining moment brought her to the place she needed to be. The decision meant more schooling, studying and starting at the bottom and not finishing her thesis that she had worked so hard on. She embraced it and followed her heart. After opening her practice, she always had a full schedule of clients. She had found her calling after taking a risk and huge leap.

Her second defining moment is the clarifying the concept that there was a need to discuss emotions and money therapeutically. Her friend, Michael Goldberg, said, “Money because money is the last taboo in the therapy office and life in general.” His words, as Olivia tells it, “created a lightbulb moment in my head where I realized in the therapy office there are ghosts of family members sitting all around the room – my ghosts and the clients ghosts.” Money is a part of life and subject important to address in therapy, not deflect. Her mission began knowing that “We as therapists should create a safe place to talk about this topic.”

She listened to her internal urging and her work began. This work was not only with clients but also delving deeper into studying the concepts and emotions around money.  

As a good student of developmental psychology, she credits nature and nurture to career choice and windy path there. She says, “I inherited a gene from my Dad – Do what you love and the money will follow. He was a judge and lawyer.” So by getting the gene and learning by her environment she knew what was most important.  

Her philosophy, also fitting her career, is “Trust the Process.” If a door closed, another one opened. Her PhD program almost finished, she bravely moved on. “The therapeutic work called out to me.” And the focus on money came soon after her career.

The process was organic and mysterious. That same organic process is at work as she leaves behind a career of 42 years. Some health issues, a move and surrounded by her loving husband, Michael who is retired, she decided it was time.  

How is she going out? The guild – her team of psychologists where she shares and grows and learns in DC are having a party for her. At their last meeting together, they suggested the party center on songs and music. Olivia has one request to Sing together some of the good old Leonard Bernstein tunes and oldies but goodies like “When you Wish Upon A Star.”  

The words may be changed to reflect the work of the life of a woman who impacted the world in a fine, subtle and yet powerful way. Frank Sinatra’s “I did it My Way” may be the song of the day.

Congratulations Olivia!

,

Learn One New Thing Every Day!

,

“Learn one new thing every day.” My Dad always said that and would ask at different times what we had learned. 

Today I want to share what I have been doing so that you have a range of choices – articles, podcasts and future speaking so you can learn more about how to create MoneyPeace.

Podcast:

I had the opportunity to be on Wes Moss’s Retire Sooner Podcast. We hardly talked about retirement! Instead, we covered a broad range of financial and emotional topics near and dear to my heart. When you have a few minutes or the full fifty minutes you can listen here.

Already a subscriber to his podcast? Listen for me on the July 11th program.

Financial Expert:

This month I was sought out as a financial expert. Catch my name and advice in print with these articles I was recently quoted in:

Monday Money Minutes:

Check out some of my Monday Money Minutes. They are available on my MoneyPeace Facebook page, at my blog or on Instagram. 

Articles

Of course, I have continued to write articles and offer these two – one for fun and one for your retirement planning consideration:

Getting Ready to Speak

I have been getting ready with research and updated presentation notes for my upcoming speaking gigs. In September I will be speaking for Financial Behavior Keynote Group on “The Art of Selling a Business.” 

I will also be travelling to Kansas City to speak on “Financial Wellness” for a corporate retreat.

Lifelong learning is underrated. May you continue to learn one new thing every day whether about personal finance, life or love. 

,

Summer Time Ease May Lead to Abundance!

,

Money is an inside job. How you feel matters. I have heard and read that extensively.

Abundance is a state of mind. When we know we are contributing to the world it is easier to feel abundant. All sorts of people experience this through their professional work or volunteering.

They know sometimes it is not the big trip, the expensive car or the once in a lifetime concert event. We can find joy in the simple. For me it can be found in nature, children, and time to play.

Yesterday, I had one of those peak experiences that make me feel more grounded, connected and valued. Abundance from the inside out. A mini reunion of sorts for college friends who enjoyed a day at the lake only a car ride away from home. We laughed. We ate. We drink an array of beverages. We reminisced just a bit. Mostly we reveled in the beauty of the day. I felt restored and blest.

This morning, I noticed how good I felt. I relived in the memories in my mind but knew there was something more brewing from the afternoon of leisure. I had been doing something because I wanted to …no reason, no talk of careers or chores or responsibilities. Simply appreciating the beautiful day and the company.

This made me think. I need more time to just play – whether for a day or afternoon or moment. In our goal-oriented world, that is often overlooked. I know that post-Covid, I have lost some of that spontaneity and openness. As adults we are encouraged to be responsible.

I feel lighter, thinner and happier based on the fun of yesterday. It was definitely a “Play Date” and made me want more play dates. Surrounding oneself in the energy and love and hugs of friendship. Plus the added nonsense of fun and connections. 

I am going on my own playdate this week. Grabbing my bike and going for a ride to nowhere.

Wealth and abundance and joy are inside jobs. What are you doing to take care of your insides? Here are some tips to feel abundant:

Start with what you have:

Be grateful for the little things of the day. The computer you are reading this on – even if it is borrowed or at the library. The clothes on your back.

Think when you are most happy: 

Make a list of activities, people you like to spend time with and activities that feed your spirit. Perhaps being in nature, playing sports, getting dressed up or enjoying movies bring you joy.

Do one thing this week because you want to;

not because you have to or because you need to take care of someone else. Spend a delicious frivolous moment or afternoon on you.

Notice how you feel the next day. 

Does it bring a smile to your face? A lightness to your step? Keep playing with these steps and ideas each day. 

When you value the flow of life, your abundance has more time to catch up with you.  

Enjoy your day!

Happy April Fool's Day!

Happy April Fool's Day!

I started on April Fool’s Day to remember to keep my sense of humor.  I also did not know if this whole business plan would work.  I certainly did not know thirty years later how my life, my work, and MoneyPeace would evolve.  I am so grateful to all you readers, clients over the years and other planning professionals who appreciate my approach to money.

 

This week, I was reflecting on  MoneyPeace history as part of a registration form with a speaker’s bureau. This was such a gift!  I am appreciative of all the places I have been and of those people who responded to my work.  I was reminded that I love speaking and am ready to do more. 

I do not know where I will be in thirty years. For today, I want to continue to write, speak and spread MoneyPeace.  So, watch for more blogs, articles, email newsletters and videos.

What I Learned from My Irish Family

The roots of my Irish heritage and money are complicated. In Ireland, coins were used for centuries. Often the coins represented reigning kings. In the twelfth century, the British took over and ruled Ireland. This included their money, their banks, and systems, imposing the English system.

The Irish learned not to trust the banks or the money that was used for exchange during the time of the British rule. Though valid currency, the system was English, the language was English and there were so many restrictions on the natives, that many natives were leery of using their banks. These feelings ran deep and settled in many a family over the generations even in an independent country. 

The Republic of Ireland became independent in 1921, leaving six counties in the north still part of England. In 1927, the Republic issued their own currency. That currency changed with the advent of the Euro in 2002.

Some of my relatives emigrated in the 1920’s and would have had money in the US banks when they failed during the depression. They lost their hard earned money, so the feeling carried down through the ancestors about money and financial systems are complex.

My ancestors learned from their experiences. (Yours did too.) I learned many things from what they had to live through on both sides of the ocean. They were an industrious, practical bunch. Land and homeownership were key to success. Even generations later, feelings around money can be complicated because of a “rich” history of happenings. Sometimes what were their experiences, though no longer relevant to me, make it into family lore. Sorting this all out adds a bit of complexity to what I really need to learn.

My profession is about creating solid quality of life while living in peace around your money. Although knowledgeable on the facts and US rules on the money and tax system, I was taught that there is more to life than money alone.

This is what I learned from my family:

  • Help Others: There is always someone who is worse off than you.

  • Buy Quality: From clothes to cars to home goods, be sure you buy value.

  • Repair It: Do not go and buy new, which takes money and hard work. Fix it.

  • Get Educated: From vocations, academics or a lesson in cooking, learning is invaluable.

  • Enjoy Music and Dancing: They are a fun release – and fun matters.

  • Maintain Community: Connections improve the quality of your life as well as your neighborhood.

  • Buy the Best Health Insurance: One cannot put a price on health.

We all learn consciously and unconsciously from our families of origin. We take away the good and the unhealthy financial habits. This month, ponder your roots and learning. What have you learned?

Picked up not good financial habits? Adapt and adjust. As adults, we can choose what we want to change.

Do one thing to honor your ancestors. I will be donating to an Irish charity.

What will you do?  Cook up something traditional. Create a family gathering. Simply connect with a family member.

Whether you are Irish, Spanish, Italian, Mexican, Canadian, Greek, a mix or a pure bred American, we are all human and survived thanks to the strong good character of our ancestors. Celebrate one aspect of your history this month.

Here is a bit of Irish music by The Chieftains: Will You Go Lassie Go (aka Blooming Heather; aka Wild Mountain Thyme)

, ,

This CFP Wishes for My Loved Ones

, ,

Dear Loved Ones,

There are many questions you have asked me over the years. Despite the fact I cannot give specific advice without knowing one’s full situation, many of your questions required one simple step. 

I never know if you did them or not. I care and am concerned that you are in good hands financially. I prefer you avoid a financial situation that could be fixed with a bit of pre-planning, rather than scrambling after the fact.  

I seldom hear the follow up. I care. And because we are friends first, I am not the professional you work with, I do not ask. 

Today I am wondering if:

Your Retirement Beneficiaries are Correct: 

Longtime partners told me, “Oh yeah, we never changed those from family members. But our families know who to give it to.” By law, the money goes to immediate legal family. If they chose to then pass it on to a partner, there are potential taxes that may diminish those funds. I hope you have designated your partner by now.  

Life Insurance Beneficiaries Updated:

A young recently married couple told me, “We were so busy with our wedding planning and honeymoon, we never updated our life insurance and company benefits. This will go to our spouse automatically now that we are married, right?” No, no, no. You need to make the changes on your policies and with your company. Easy enough to do today. Get on it.

You Have an Estate Plan to Match Your Current Life:

Our lives constantly change: we move, we have children, our assets grow, we have grandchildren, we marry. Too people many make major shifts and leave their former will in place. They often forget or do not understand that you need a recent Power of Attorney for your finances and Health Care Proxy. I do hope after you made the move out of state, you followed up with a new estate plan in your state of residence. 

You Have Assigned A Guardian for Your Children:

This is designated in your estate plan. Otherwise, their guardian many be your next of kin or appointed by the court. A legal guardian is responsible for the health and financial care of a child until “legal majority” in the state of residence. Be Kind to your children. Create a will with your wishes and a lawyer to carry them out.

You have Left a Paper Trail. Or Digital Trail:

Being in good financial shape with an estate plan and well organized records is great. If no one can find them when you fall ill or pass on, then they are of little use to the people who need them most. I hope by now you have told someone how to find your paper trail, making it easier on your loved ones at a dire time. 

Leave behind a legacy of love.

This CFP Wishes for My Loved Ones

My Valentine:

1. Have a Well Done Estate Plan, Have Peace of Mind

2. Have Cash to Offset Stress of Life Events

3. Review Your Investments Every year.  

Life changes. Have that balance of stocks, bonds, growth and value investments. Create an estate plan. Keep a cash account. Then you can weather any movements in life or the stock market

Are You Cash Conscious?

Money is essential. What is often overlooked in the world of finance is money consciousness.

Money consciousness is primary in having sound money sense. Which leads to more cents of course! (I could not resist.)

A cornerstone of financial health is understanding money – where yours goes, how much money you make and what the basic rules are around money. With today’s focus on the digital economy, we lose focus on where our cash goes. There was an “old school” mentality that was born out of the depression where households put money into envelopes marking each spending category for the upcoming week or month. Touching the money and organizing it in this way gave individuals the value of cash consciousness. They had to understand where each dollar went.

Reverting to the ways of almost a century ago is unnecessary. But also bypassing the process by giving over your financial control to someone else is problematic. This sounds like the easy way, even the right way if you listen to the advertisements or some “experts.”

1. Are You Giving Your Power Away?

Being consciously aware of what is going on with our money can raise our vibration and increase our funds. Being unconscious has the opposite effect.

When you give your power to a program or an app, you are not necessarily aware of where your money is going in the moment; Rather, you are doing the math and looking at the result of your spending. The number detail may be important but most important is connecting with a deeper understanding of your financial picture and your reasons for spending.

The YouTube commercial I hate is about subscriptions. Rocket money app wants you to sign up and it will tell you how many monthly subscriptions you are paying for. Sure, it is quick and easy once you enter all your bank accounts and credit card numbers. Essentially, you share all your financial data with a large company to reveal your monthly subscriptions. (Can you say a “Security Breach” waiting to happen?)

The greater cost is giving away your consciousness. Without money consciousness, you are without a guidepost for your dreams and money.

2. Create a Long-term Self-Sustaining Plan

Want an easier, free way for long-term success? No big company was involved. Here are the steps:

1. Read your statements.

Sit down for an hour and review your bank and credit card statements. Identify your monthly expenses and subscriptions that you are paying for as separate categories. Some are necessary like utilities. Other are optional like music and streaming video.

2. Manage those subscriptions.

Set another hour aside. Take one subscription at a time. Ask yourself: Do you need it? Do you use it? Does it have an annual option? Then, pay annually. You may save some money. Best of all, you retain some control each time the subscription comes due, whether you chose to renew or not. The email or text message will be a reminder that you have the subscription and a trigger to ask yourself if you still want it and can afford it.

3. Choose one mode of payment for all your subscriptions.

By lumping your monthly subscriptions together onto one credit card or one checking account, you will always know what you are paying monthly or annually for subscriptions. The monthly payments will be clearly noted on that account’s statements. Step it up a level by dedicating a separate checking account and depositing the necessary funds for each month through a payroll automatically. (Most companies allow up to five different accounts to deposit to.)

Taking these steps commits you to real time accounting. You know how much you are spending on monthly subscriptions. Your spending on monthly subscriptions will be obvious at one glance at a statement. Only simple math is needed.

When you want another subscription, your newly designated subscription account is the lone one you will use for those payments. If it is an impulse subscription, you will know pretty quickly if you can afford it as your paycheck will have to be redistributed to fund this added monthly expense. Knowing you will have to take this extra step may even slow you down as commit with your click to another mindless monthly subscription. By creating this system, you will be in a better position to make decisions and handle your money consciously.

Money is meant to be saved, spent, and enjoyed. Without consciousness, none of those actions are truly peaceful; Nor a reliable source of your ability to make sound rational, well positioned financial choices.

Make 2024 the year you reposition yourself.

Be Cash Conscious.

, , ,

What are Annuities?

, , ,

Question: “I just got an inheritance and a financial person suggested I purchase an annuity with $90,000. We were going to expand our home. I do want to be smart and do something wise for the long term with the money. What is an annuity? Is it a good investment?”

Christine’s Answer:

Good for you for wanting to learn about money.  

First, the annuity answer. An annuity is an insurance contract. There are many types and forms from fixed annuities to variable annuities which have an investment component. They are backed up the insurance company that sells them. If this financial person only suggested an annuity, then they may only sell annuities. Annuity is a product with a large commission for the sellers typically. If an investment person does not offer you more options, they may not be working in your best interests. 

Expanding your home sounds like an option, but do you have a financial plan? Use that inheritance wisely by consulting an objective financial professional first. You can meet with them on an hourly basis and they can evaluate if you have a safety account, how to manage any debt you may have and plan for your future. They can also further explain annuities and other options to best serve you. To contact one that does not sell products reach out to the Garrett Planning Network.

Once you are more educated you can decide your next steps.